The Comparison Trap (And Why Watching Your Peers Who Left Earlier Is Messing With Your Head)

Your business school classmate just posted on LinkedIn. She left McKinsey for Google. Senior PM role. Probably making $400k. Her post has 500 likes.

You're still at the firm. Still on that healthcare project you don't care about. Still working until midnight on Friday.

She left two years ago. She's two years ahead of you now. Building products. Learning about tech. Probably happy.

And you're still here.

This thought spiral is the comparison trap. And it's one of the biggest psychological obstacles in consulting exits.

I've watched hundreds of consultants struggle with this. They're paralyzed by watching peers who left earlier. They're measuring their progress against people on completely different timelines. They're making decisions based on FOMO instead of what actually makes sense for them.

Here's what nobody tells you: comparing yourself to peers who left is actively sabotaging your exit.

Not because comparison is inherently bad. But because you're comparing the wrong things, at the wrong time, for the wrong reasons.

Let's talk about how to escape this trap.

Why Peer Comparison Hits Different in Consulting

Comparison is human. Everyone does it.

But consulting makes it worse. Here's why:

Everyone Started at the Same Time

You joined as part of an analyst class. Or an associate class. You started on the same day. Same training. Same expectations. Same trajectory.

This creates the illusion that you're in a race. That whoever leaves first "wins." That whoever gets to VP at a tech company first is "ahead."

But life isn't college. There's no graduation date where everyone gets evaluated on the same criteria.

Your classmate who left after two years isn't "ahead" of you because you stayed four years. You just made different choices.

But the fact that you started together makes it feel like a competition.

You Have Perfect Information About Each Other

In most industries, you don't really know what your peers from college are doing.

In consulting, you know exactly who's still at the firm. You know who left. You know where they went. You see their LinkedIn posts. You hear through the grapevine. You see them at alumni events.

You have complete visibility into everyone's trajectory. Which makes comparison impossible to avoid.

The Brand Creates Expectations

You didn't just go work anywhere. You got into McKinsey. Or BCG. Or Bain. Or Deloitte.

That created expectations. From your family. From your business school classmates. From yourself.

Those expectations make leaving feel like failure. Like you couldn't hack it. Like you gave up.

And when your peers leave for obviously prestigious places (Google, top startups, great roles), it feels like they "succeeded" at leaving while you're just "giving up."

The Exit Itself Becomes Status Competition

Consulting is competitive. You competed to get in. You compete for ratings. You compete for promotions. You compete for the best projects.

This mindset doesn't turn off when you leave.

Suddenly the competition becomes: who exits to the best role? Who gets the most impressive title? Who makes the most money? Who has the best story?

Your exit becomes another performance to be judged. Another competition to win.

And that's exhausting.

The Three Types of Peers You're Comparing Yourself To

Not all comparisons are equal. Here are the three types that mess with your head:

Type 1: The Person Who Left Early and Is Thriving

This is your classmate who left after 18 months. You thought they were crazy. How could they leave so early? They barely got ramped up.

Now it's three years later. They're a senior PM at a unicorn. They post on LinkedIn about impact and growth and culture. They seem genuinely happy.

And you think: "They were right. I should have left when they did. I wasted three years."

What you're not seeing:

• The 9-month job search they went through

• The first six months where they struggled to adapt

• The times they questioned whether they made the right choice

• The parts of consulting they actually miss

You're seeing the polished outcome. Not the messy middle.

Type 2: The Person Who Left at the Same Time and Got a "Better" Role

You both left consulting around the same time. You both targeted tech.

They landed a role at Stripe. You landed a role at a Series B startup nobody's heard of.

Their LinkedIn says "Senior Strategist." Yours says "Strategy Manager."

They probably make $50k more than you.

And you think: "Why did they get the better role? We had the same background. What did I do wrong?"

What you're not seeing:

• They knew someone at Stripe (you didn't)

• They got lucky on timing (role opened right when they applied)

• Their Series B might IPO and make them rich (Stripe stock is underwater)

• They might be miserable despite the brand name

You're comparing titles and companies. Not actual day-to-day happiness or long-term trajectory.

Type 3: The Person Who's Still at the Firm and Just Got Promoted

This one's different. They didn't leave. But they're "ahead" in the consulting track.

You're both three years in. They just made senior manager. You're still a manager (or you left before the promotion).

And you think: "Maybe I should have stayed. They're crushing it. They're going to make partner. I gave up too early."

What you're not seeing:

• They're working 80 hour weeks and burned out

• They're staying because they don't know what else to do

• They're going to have the same crisis you're having, just three years later

• They might be miserable but can't admit it

You're seeing the external success. Not the internal experience.

What You're Actually Comparing (Hint: It's Not What You Think)

When you compare yourself to peers, you think you're comparing:

• Career success

• Happiness

• Whether you made the "right" choice

But you're actually comparing:

• Your internal experience (doubt, struggle, uncertainty) to their external presentation (confidence, success, happiness)

• Your current state (still figuring things out) to their retrospective narrative (cleaned up story with a happy ending)

• Your entire messy reality to their carefully curated highlight reel

This comparison is fundamentally unfair. And it's making you miserable.

Let's break down what you're really seeing versus what's actually happening:

What You See: "They're doing amazing!"

Their LinkedIn: "Thrilled to announce I'm joining Stripe as a Senior Product Manager! Excited for this next chapter and grateful for everything I learned at McKinsey."

What you think: They're thrilled. They have clarity. They made the right choice. They're winning.

What You Don't See: The Full Story

Reality:

• They spent 10 months searching

• They almost took a different offer at a startup that went under six months later

• They're struggling to adapt to a very different culture

• They miss the structure and clear expectations of consulting

• They're not sure they actually like product work

• They're worried they made a mistake

They're not going to post that on LinkedIn.

But it's probably true.

What You See: "They left at the perfect time"

Your classmate left after two years. You stayed four years. You think: "They were smart. They didn't waste time like I did."

What You Don't See: Alternate Realities

Reality:

• If you'd left at two years, you wouldn't have gotten the same opportunities (less experience, weaker network)

• The extra two years might have taught you crucial skills you'll use forever

• They might look at you and think: "They stayed long enough to really build expertise. I left too early."

There's no objectively "right" time to leave. There's only the time that made sense for your specific situation.

What You See: "They have it all figured out"

They transitioned smoothly. They seem confident. They're posting about their work like they love it.

What You Don't See: The Doubt

Reality:

• They're figuring it out as they go (just like you)

• They're not sure this is forever (just like you)

• They question their choice sometimes (just like you)

• They just don't post about it publicly

Everyone's pretending they have it figured out. Nobody actually does.

The Mental Models That Keep You Stuck

Comparison wouldn't be so destructive if it just made you feel bad. But it's actively sabotaging your decision-making.

Here are the mental models that keep you trapped:

Mental Model 1: "I'm Behind"

You see peers who left earlier. They're two years into their new careers. You're still at the firm.

You think: "I'm behind. I need to leave immediately to catch up."

Why this is wrong:

• Behind implies there's a single finish line. There isn't.

• You're optimizing for "leaving at the same time as peers" instead of "leaving when it's right for you"

• You might make a desperate decision just to feel like you're catching up

Better frame: "I'm on a different timeline. When I leave, it'll be because I'm ready, not because I'm racing peers."

Mental Model 2: "They Succeeded, So I Should Do What They Did"

Your friend left McKinsey for a PM role at Google. They're thriving.

You think: "I should become a PM at Google too. That's the path that works."

Why this is wrong:

• What worked for them might not work for you (different interests, different skills, different network)

• You're imitating someone else's success instead of defining your own

• Google might have been right for them and wrong for you

Better frame: "They found something that works for them. I need to find what works for me. It might look similar. It might look completely different."

Mental Model 3: "Everyone Else Is Happy Except Me"

You see LinkedIn posts from everyone who left. They all seem happy.

You think: "Everyone who left is thriving. Only I'm still miserable at the firm. Something's wrong with me."

Why this is wrong:

• Nobody posts "I'm struggling" on LinkedIn

• You're seeing curated highlights, not reality

• Plenty of people who left are also struggling (they just don't advertise it)

Better frame: "Everyone shows their best self publicly. I have no idea what their internal experience actually is."

Mental Model 4: "I Wasted Time by Staying Longer"

You stayed four years. Your classmate left after two years.

You think: "I wasted two years. I should have left sooner."

Why this is wrong:

• Time at the firm isn't "wasted" unless you learned nothing

• The experience you gained in years 3-4 might be valuable for your next role

• You can't know what the optimal timing was until years later (and even then it's unknowable)

Better frame: "I stayed as long as I needed to. Whether that was optimal doesn't matter. It's what happened. Now I move forward."

How to Escape the Comparison Trap

Knowing comparison is harmful doesn't make it stop. Here's how to actually break the pattern:

Strategy 1: Unfollow and Unsubscribe

This sounds extreme. It's not.

You don't need to see every career update from every person in your analyst class.

Unfollow people on LinkedIn whose updates make you feel bad. Not because you hate them. Because you're optimizing for your mental health.

Unsubscribe from alumni newsletters that constantly highlight ex-consultants' success stories.

Turn off LinkedIn notifications.

Limit your exposure to comparison triggers.

You can catch up with people individually if you want. You don't need their updates in your feed every day.

Strategy 2: Compare to Your Past Self, Not to Peers

Instead of asking "Am I doing better than my classmates?" ask "Am I doing better than I was last year?"

Are you:

• Clearer on what you want?

• Further along in your job search?

• Happier day-to-day?

• Learning new skills?

• Building new relationships?

If yes, you're making progress. That's what matters.

Your classmate's progress is irrelevant to your progress.

Strategy 3: Remember You're Seeing Highlight Reels

Every time you see someone's LinkedIn post and feel bad, remember:

You're seeing the announcement. Not the struggle.

You're seeing the outcome. Not the process.

You're seeing the confidence. Not the doubt.

They're performing success. They might not be feeling it.

Remind yourself: "This is their best moment, not their average day."

Strategy 4: Focus on Your Unique Situation

You're not competing with anyone.

You have unique constraints:

• Financial situation

• Family obligations

• Risk tolerance

• Personal goals

• Timeline flexibility

Your classmate who left after 18 months might have had wealthy parents who could support them if things went wrong. You don't.

Your friend who went to a startup might be single with no obligations. You have a partner and a mortgage.

You're making decisions based on your situation. Not theirs.

Optimize for your life, not for looking successful to peers.

Strategy 5: Talk to People Who Left About the Reality

Stop admiring from afar. Actually talk to them.

You'll learn:

• Their transition was harder than it looked

• They have regrets and doubts too

• Their day-to-day isn't as glamorous as it seems

• They're still figuring things out

Once you see behind the curtain, comparison loses its power.

They're not superheroes. They're just people who left consulting. Just like you're about to do.

Strategy 6: Give Yourself Permission to Have a Different Timeline

Maybe you leave after 18 months. Maybe after six years.

Both are fine.

There's no trophy for leaving earliest. There's no penalty for staying longest.

The only question that matters: "Is this still the right place for me right now?"

If yes, stay. If no, leave. That's it.

Don't leave because your peers left. Leave because you're ready.

The Uncomfortable Truth About Success

Here's what I've learned after tracking 200+ consulting exits:

The people who seem most successful three years after leaving aren't the ones who:

• Left earliest

• Went to the most prestigious company

• Got the highest title

• Made the most money

They're the ones who:

• Left when they were genuinely ready

• Went somewhere that matched their interests

• Took a role they actually wanted (not just one that looked good)

• Made a decision based on their own criteria, not peer pressure

Five years out, the person who left McKinsey for a no-name startup doing work they loved is happier than the person who left for Google because everyone else was doing it.

Ten years out, it matters even less.

Your business school class isn't having a reunion in 20 years where you compare career trajectories. You're all going to end up in different places doing different things living different lives.

The comparison is meaningless.

What matters is: are you doing work you find meaningful? Are you learning? Are you happy enough?

That's success. Not whether you left before or after your classmates.

When Comparison Can Actually Help

Not all comparison is bad.

Comparison becomes useful when you use it for information, not judgment.

Useful: "My classmate went into product management. Let me talk to them about what the role actually involves and whether I'd like it."

Not useful: "My classmate went into product management and they're thriving. I should do that too."

Useful: "Several people from my class left for Series B startups. Let me understand what that stage is like."

Not useful: "Everyone's going to Series B startups. I should too or I'll be left behind."

Use peers as data sources. Not as benchmarks for your worth.

The Last Thing I'll Say About This

In ten years, you won't remember who left consulting when.

You won't care whether your classmate made VP at 32 and you made VP at 35.

You won't care whether they went to Stripe and you went to a startup nobody's heard of.

You'll care whether you spent your 20s and 30s doing work that mattered to you. Building a life you wanted. Making choices that made sense for you.

That's the real competition. And it's not against your peers.

It's against inertia. Against fear. Against doing what you think you're supposed to do instead of what you actually want to do.

Stop watching what everyone else is doing.

Figure out what you want.

Then go do that.

Key Takeaways

• Peer comparison hits differently in consulting because everyone started at the same time (creating illusion of a race), you have perfect information about each other via LinkedIn and alumni networks, the prestigious brand creates exit expectations, and the exit itself becomes another status competition to win

• Three types of harmful comparisons: the person who left early and is thriving (you see polished outcome, not 9-month job search or struggles), the person who left same time and got "better" role (you compare titles not actual happiness), the person still at firm who got promoted (you see external success not 80-hour burnout)

• What you're actually comparing: your internal experience (doubt, struggle, uncertainty) to their external presentation (confidence, success, happiness); your current messy state to their cleaned-up retrospective narrative; your entire reality to their curated highlight reel

• Mental models keeping you stuck: "I'm behind" (implies single finish line that doesn't exist), "I should do what they did" (imitating someone else's success not defining your own), "everyone else is happy except me" (nobody posts struggles on LinkedIn), "I wasted time staying longer" (time isn't wasted unless you learned nothing)

• Six strategies to escape: unfollow LinkedIn updates that make you feel bad (optimize for mental health), compare to your past self not peers (are you clearer on what you want?), remember you're seeing highlight reels not struggle (their best moment not average day), focus on your unique constraints and situation, actually talk to people about reality behind the curtain, give yourself permission to have different timeline

• Uncomfortable truth: people most successful three years later aren't those who left earliest/went to most prestigious company, they're the ones who left when genuinely ready for work they actually wanted based on their own criteria not peer pressure

• Comparison becomes useful when used for information not judgment: "let me talk to them about what PM involves" (useful) vs "they're thriving at PM so I should too" (not useful); use peers as data sources not benchmarks for your worth

• In ten years you won't care who left when or who made VP first; you'll care whether you spent your 20s/30s doing work that mattered to you making choices that made sense for your life; real competition is against inertia and fear, not peers.