Why Networking Feels Slimy (And How to Do It Without the Cringe)

You know that feeling when someone from your analyst class reaches out after three years of radio silence, and their message is basically "hey stranger, can you refer me?"

Yeah. That's why you haven't started networking for your exit yet.

You've been at McKinsey (or BCG, or Bain, or Deloitte) for three years. You've built million dollar models. You've presented to C-suite executives. You've worked 80 hour weeks on strategy that actually moved the needle.

But the thought of sending a "quick coffee chat" message to someone you barely know makes you want to crawl under your desk.

Here's the thing: you're right to feel weird about it. Most networking advice is garbage. It teaches you to be transactional, fake, and ultimately forgettable.

But you still need to do it. Because 73% of consulting exits happen through relationships, not applications. And the people who figure out how to network authentically get offers 4.2x faster than people who just apply online.

So let's talk about why networking feels so slimy for consultants specifically, and how to do it in a way that doesn't make you hate yourself.

Why Networking Feels Different (and Worse) for Consultants

Most career advice treats everyone the same. "Just reach out!" "Build your network!" "Coffee chats!"

But consultants face specific networking challenges that most career coaches don't understand.

You're Used to Being the Expert

For the last 2-5 years, your job has been to walk into a room and be the smartest person there. Or at least act like it.

Companies pay McKinsey $500k+ for your team's advice. You spend weeks becoming an expert in industries you knew nothing about. You build credibility through analysis, not charm.

Then you try to network, and suddenly you're the one asking for help. You're the one who doesn't know how the industry works. You're the one requesting 30 minutes of someone's time.

The power dynamic is completely reversed. And it feels wrong.

A principal at BCG told me: "I spent six years telling CEOs what to do. Then I'm supposed to ask some VP at a tech company if they have time to explain how product management works? It felt degrading."

That's not ego. That's a legitimate identity shift that takes time to process.

You've Built Credibility Through Deliverables, Not Relationships

In consulting, credibility comes from your deck. Your model. Your analysis. Your 100 page report with the perfectly aligned boxes.

You're used to building trust by delivering excellent work. Not by being likable or relatable.

Then you try to network, and none of that matters. Your impressive project list doesn't fit in a LinkedIn message. Your quantitative skills don't help you write a warm introduction. Your ability to build a waterfall chart is irrelevant when someone asks "so what are you looking to do?"

One manager from Deloitte put it this way: "I was used to earning respect by working harder than everyone else. Networking felt like trying to earn respect by being fake nice to people. I didn't know how to do that."

This isn't a personality flaw. It's a skill gap. And like any skill gap, you can close it.

Your Network Is Probably Terrible for an Exit

Let's be honest about your current network.

It's mostly other consultants. People at your firm. Maybe some clients who you staff on projects with, but those relationships are defined by your firm, not you personally.

You probably have 847 LinkedIn connections. I'd bet $500 that 600 of them are consultants, 150 are people you met at networking events in business school and never talked to again, and maybe 50 are actual useful contacts for an exit.

And here's the brutal part: the people who could actually help you (hiring managers, recruiters, people doing the job you want) aren't in your network at all. Because you've spent the last three years talking exclusively to other consultants and clients who see you as "the consultant," not as a potential hire.

You need to build a completely new network. From scratch. While working 60 hour weeks.

No wonder it feels overwhelming.

You Don't Have Time to Network "Properly"

All the networking advice assumes you have time.

"Get coffee twice a week!" Sure, let me just block off 90 minutes on Tuesday when I'm on a client site in a different city and have back to back meetings from 8am to 7pm.

"Attend industry events!" Great idea, except they're at 6pm on Thursday when you're literally on a plane back from the client site.

"Follow up consistently!" With what time? The 45 minutes between landing at 10pm and falling asleep?

Most networking advice is written for people who work 40 hour weeks with control over their calendars. That's not you.

You need networking strategies that work when you have four hours on Friday afternoon and that's it for the week.

The Transactional Thing Feels Gross

Here's what most networking advice teaches:

1. Identify people who can help you

2. Reach out with a specific ask

3. Get what you need

4. Maybe follow up later

This is how consultants are trained to think about everything. Identify the stakeholder. Determine what you need from them. Execute the interaction. Move on.

It works great for managing client relationships. It's terrible for building real connections.

Because everyone can smell it. When you reach out to someone just because they work at a company you're targeting, they know. When you're only interested in them because of their title, they know. When you're trying to extract value from the relationship, they know.

And it makes both of you feel bad.

A senior associate at McKinsey told me: "I sent 30 networking messages using the templates from a career coach. I got 12 responses and had 8 calls. Every single one felt like an informational interview where I was pretending to care about their career story while really just trying to figure out if they could refer me. It worked, I guess. But I felt like a robot."

There's a better way.

How to Network Without Being Slimy: The Actual Framework

Forget everything you've learned about networking. We're starting over.

The goal isn't to "build your network." The goal is to have conversations with people doing work you find interesting.

That's it. That's the reframe.

You're not networking. You're learning. You're exploring. You're having conversations with people who have information you don't have.

And if you do this right, some of those people will become genuine connections who want to help you. Not because you manipulated them, but because you approached the relationship like a human being.

Step 1: Lead with Genuine Curiosity, Not Hidden Agendas

The biggest networking mistake consultants make is pretending they don't want something when they obviously do.

"I'd love to pick your brain about product management!" (Translation: I want you to refer me.)

"I'm really curious about how you made the transition from consulting to tech!" (Translation: I want you to refer me.)

"I'm exploring different paths and would love to hear your story!" (Translation: I want you to refer me.)

Everyone can see through this. It's exhausting for both people.

Here's the alternative: be honest about what you want, but make the conversation actually interesting.

Bad message: "I'm exploring opportunities in tech and would love to learn about your experience at Google."

Better message: "I've been at BCG for three years doing commercial due diligence, and I'm starting to realize I care more about actually building products than analyzing them in a deck. I saw you made a similar shift from McKinsey to PM at Google. Would you be open to a 20 minute call about what that transition was actually like?"

The second message is honest. You're not pretending this is purely academic. But you're also asking a specific, interesting question that the person might actually enjoy answering.

The difference is subtle but massive.

Step 2: Do Research That Actually Matters

Consultants are great at research. You can find anything. You can synthesize information faster than anyone.

But you're probably researching the wrong things.

Stop researching the company. Start researching the person.

Before you reach out to someone, spend 15 minutes figuring out:

• What do they actually work on day to day? (Not their title, their actual work)

• What did they work on before this? What's the thread connecting their moves?

• What do they talk about on LinkedIn? What topics seem to interest them?

• What's something specific about their background that's genuinely interesting to you?

Then reference something specific in your outreach.

Not "I see you work at Stripe." Everyone can see that.

Instead: "I saw your post about how Stripe thinks about market sizing for new products, and it clicked with something I've been struggling with on my current M&A project."

Or: "I noticed you moved from strategy at Uber to ops at a startup, which is the exact kind of shift I'm trying to figure out."

The research isn't to impress them. It's to show you actually looked at who they are as a person, not just as a job title that could help you.

Step 3: Make It Easy to Say Yes

This is the part consultants get wrong most often.

You send a message asking for "coffee" or a "quick call" or to "pick their brain."

All of these are terrible asks because they're vague and open ended.

"Coffee" means:

• Finding time in both calendars

• Either commuting somewhere or setting up a video call

• Committing to 60+ minutes

• Not knowing what you'll actually talk about

That's a big ask. Especially for someone you don't know.

Make it easier:

"Would you be open to a 20 minute call next Tuesday or Thursday afternoon? I'd specifically want to ask about how you structured your job search while still at McKinsey, and how you knew when to start applying vs. just networking."

Now they know:

• Exactly how much time you're asking for

• What you want to talk about

• When you're available

• That this has an end point

The response rate on messages like this is 3-4x higher than vague "coffee chat" requests.

And here's the secret: most people say yes to a 20 minute call. Then the call goes well and runs 45 minutes. And they offer to introduce you to someone else.

But you have to make the initial ask small enough that saying yes feels easy.

Step 4: Bring Something to the Table

This is the most underutilized networking strategy for consultants.

You have valuable skills and information. Use them.

Before a networking call, think about: what can I share that this person might actually find useful?

Maybe it's:

• Recent data or research from a project (non confidential obviously)

• An interesting article or framework you've been using

• A connection to someone in your network who could help them

• A perspective on an industry they're trying to understand

One associate at Deloitte was networking with a VP at a fintech company. Before the call, he pulled together a quick 1-pager on regulatory changes affecting fintech (something he'd just researched for a client). He sent it after the call with a note: "This came up in our conversation, thought you might find it useful."

That VP introduced him to three people in the next two weeks.

You're a consultant. You know how to synthesize complex information into clear insights. That's valuable. Use it.

Step 5: Follow Up Like a Human Being

Most networking advice says to "follow up within 24 hours."

This is stupid.

Follow up when you have something worth saying.

Not "thanks again for your time!" That's noise.

Instead, follow up when:

• You read an article they mentioned and want to share a thought

• You met someone they should know

• Something you talked about became relevant to a project you're working on

• Enough time has passed (2-3 months) that checking in feels natural

The goal isn't to stay top of mind. The goal is to build a real relationship.

One manager from BCG told me: "I had a call with someone at Amazon in January. We talked about supply chain strategy. In March, I saw an article about a supply chain disruption in their exact vertical. I sent it with a two sentence note: 'Saw this and thought of our conversation. Curious if this is affecting your team.' We ended up on the phone for 30 minutes, and she introduced me to the hiring manager for a role before it was even posted."

That's not manipulation. That's just being a thoughtful human.

The Types of Conversations That Actually Matter

Not all networking conversations are equal.

Here are the three types you should prioritize, ranked by value:

1. People Doing the Job You Want (Highest Value)

If you think you want to be a product manager, talk to product managers.

Not recruiters. Not career coaches. Not people who used to be PMs five years ago.

Talk to people who are currently doing the work, at companies you're interested in, at your level or one level up.

These conversations tell you:

• What the work actually involves day to day

• What skills from consulting translate (and which don't)

• How they think about problems

• What they wish they'd known before making the switch

• Whether you'd actually enjoy this work

And if the conversation goes well, these are the people who can refer you directly.

Aim for 5-8 of these conversations before you start applying. Not 30. Not 50. Just enough to know what you're talking about in interviews.

2. People Who Made Your Exact Transition (High Value)

These are people who were at McKinsey (or BCG, or Bain, or Big 4) and are now doing the thing you want to do.

They understand the consulting context. They know what you're dealing with. They can give you specific advice about how to position your experience.

And they're usually eager to help because they remember how hard the transition was.

The best question to ask these people: "What did you underestimate about this transition?"

Everyone will tell you what they got right. The really useful information is what they got wrong.

3. People in Your Extended Network (Medium Value)

These are friends of friends. Alumni connections. Former colleagues.

They're valuable because the introduction is warm. You have context. They're more likely to actually help you.

But they're less valuable if they're not in the industry or role you're targeting.

One mistake consultants make: spending all your time networking with other ex consultants who aren't in the field you want to enter.

Yes, they'll take the call. Yes, it feels easier. But unless they can introduce you to people doing the work you want to do, it's not moving you forward.

Be strategic about where you spend your limited networking time.

The Non Slimy Networking Calendar: 4 Hours a Week

You have limited time. Here's how to use it.

Weeks 1-2: Research and List Building (2 hours per week)

Don't reach out to anyone yet. Just build your target list.

Spend 2 hours per week identifying 30-40 people who fit the criteria above. Use LinkedIn, mutual connections, company websites, industry newsletters.

Create a simple spreadsheet:

• Name

• Company

• Role

• Connection path (how you'll get introduced or why you're reaching out cold)

• One specific thing about them that's interesting to you

This prep work makes everything else easier.

Weeks 3-6: Initial Outreach (3 hours per week)

Send 5-8 messages per week. Not 30. Not 50. Just 5-8 really good, personalized messages to people on your list.

At a 40% response rate (which is realistic if your messages are good), that's 2-3 calls per week. That's the right volume.

You want enough conversations to learn, but not so many that you're exhausted and treating them like transactions.

Weeks 7+: Ongoing Conversations (2-3 hours per week)

By week 7, you should be having 2-3 calls per week, plus occasional follow ups with people from earlier conversations.

This is the maintenance phase. You're not sprinting anymore. You're just consistently having conversations with interesting people.

Some of these will turn into job opportunities. Most won't. That's fine. The ones that do will be much better fits because you actually know what you're getting into.

The Messages That Actually Work

Let's get tactical. Here are three real messages that got responses, and why they worked.

Example 1: The Specific Question Approach

"Hi Sarah,

I'm a senior associate at McKinsey working mostly in healthcare strategy. I'm starting to realize I'm more interested in actually building products than analyzing them, which is leading me to look at PM roles.

I saw you made a similar transition from Bain to product at Oscar Health about two years ago. I'm curious: what's one thing about the PM role that was completely different than you expected coming from consulting?

Would you be open to a 20 minute call sometime next week? I'm flexible on timing.

Thanks, James"

Why this works:

• Honest about intent (not pretending this is purely informational)

• Asks a specific, interesting question

• Shows research (knows her background)

• Makes it easy to say yes (specific time ask)

Example 2: The Warm Introduction Approach

"Hi Michael,

Karen Lopez suggested I reach out, she mentioned you'd recently helped another McKinsey person think through the move to tech.

I've been at McKinsey for three years doing mostly commercial due diligence, and I'm trying to figure out if corporate strategy roles are actually interesting or if they're just 'consulting but internal.' I saw you made that exact move from BCG to strategy at Salesforce.

Would you be up for a 20 minute call in the next week or two? I'd love to hear what the work actually looks like day to day.

Thanks, Rachel"

Why this works:

• Uses the mutual connection effectively

• States the specific question clearly

• Shows awareness of his background

• Time bound ask

Example 3: The Value Add Approach

"Hi David,

I'm a manager at Deloitte working in financial services, and I came across your post about regulatory challenges in embedded finance. This is exactly what we're navigating on a current client project.

I'm starting to think about what's next after consulting and fintech keeps coming up as an area I'd love to understand better. Would you be open to a brief call? I'd love to hear how you think about these regulatory questions at Stripe, and I'm happy to share some of what we're seeing on the bank side.

I know you're busy, so even 15-20 minutes would be valuable.

Thanks, Alex"

Why this works:

• References something specific they posted

• Offers value (insights from the bank side)

• Clear ask with specific time frame

• Acknowledges their time constraints

What to Actually Talk About (The Non Awkward Conversation Framework)

You got the meeting. Now what?

Most people waste networking calls by treating them like interrogations. "So tell me about your role." "How did you get into this?" "What do you like about it?"

Boring. Forgettable. Transactional.

Here's a better structure:

Minutes 0-3: Set Context Efficiently

Start by clearly stating:

• Your background (consultant at X firm, Y years, Z type of work)

• What you're exploring (interested in PM roles, particularly in fintech)

• Why you wanted to talk to them specifically (made similar transition, work at company you're interested in)

This should take 60-90 seconds. Not 5 minutes.

Minutes 3-15: Ask Specific, Unusual Questions

Skip the obvious stuff. Don't ask about their resume (you already read it). Don't ask generic questions about their role (they've answered those 100 times).

Ask things like:

• "What's one thing you do in this role that you never did in consulting, and how long did it take you to get good at it?"

• "If you were still at McKinsey and evaluating this company/industry, what would surprise you most about how it actually works?"

• "What's a skill from consulting that you thought would transfer but actually didn't?"

• "What's the biggest difference between influencing as a consultant vs. influencing as an internal person?"

These questions are interesting to answer. They make the person think. They give you actual insights instead of polished talking points.

Minutes 15-18: Share Your Thinking (Not Your Resume)

At some point, they'll ask about you. Not "tell me about yourself" but something like "so what kind of roles are you looking at?"

Don't recite your resume. Share your thinking.

Bad answer: "I've been at BCG for three years working on strategy projects, and now I'm looking at PM roles at tech companies."

Better answer: "I'm realizing the part of projects I actually enjoy is the early ambiguous phase where we're trying to figure out what problem to solve, not the later phase where we're refining the answer. That's making me think PM might be a better fit than strategy roles where the problem is usually already defined. But I'm still figuring out if that's real or if I just like the idea of it."

The second answer is honest, specific, and interesting. It invites conversation instead of ending it.

Minutes 18-20: End with a Clear Next Step

Don't let the call fade out awkwardly.

End with something specific:

"This was really helpful. Based on what you said about the PM interview process, it sounds like I should focus on building more concrete product examples. Would you be open to me checking back in a few months once I've made progress on that?"

Or: "The way you described the role is pretty different than what I expected, which is exactly what I needed to hear. Is there anyone else you'd recommend I talk to who might have a different perspective?"

Or: "This helped me realize I need to think more carefully about whether I want true product work or more commercial/GTM work. I'll noodle on that and might reach out again once I've clarified my thinking."

Clear. Specific. Gives them an easy out if they don't want to stay connected, but leaves the door open if they do.

The Long Game: How to Build a Network That Lasts

Here's what most people miss about networking:

The goal isn't to collect contacts. The goal is to build relationships with people you actually like, doing work you actually find interesting.

If you do networking right, you should end up with 8-12 people who you genuinely enjoy talking to, who work in spaces that interest you, and who you stay in touch with not because you have to but because you want to.

Those 8-12 people will refer you, introduce you, advocate for you, and help you navigate your career for years.

But only if you approach the relationship as an actual relationship, not as a transaction.

One final story:

A principal at BCG told me he spent six months networking the "right way" for his exit. He had 40+ calls. He followed all the templates. He got zero offers.

Then he started over. This time, he only reached out to people doing work he found genuinely interesting. He asked better questions. He brought insights to the conversations. He followed up only when he had something real to say.

He had 12 conversations over three months. Three of those people became actual connections he talked to regularly. One of them referred him to a role before it was posted. He got the offer.

The difference wasn't volume. It was authenticity.

Networking doesn't have to feel slimy. It only feels slimy when you're pretending to be someone you're not, or pretending to care about things you don't.

Talk to people doing work you find interesting. Ask questions you actually want to know the answers to. Bring value where you can. Follow up when you have something real to say.

That's not networking. That's just being a professional human being.

And it works a hell of a lot better than coffee chat templates.

Key Takeaways

• Networking feels slimy for consultants because it reverses the power dynamic you're used to, you've built credibility through deliverables not relationships, and most advice teaches transactional approaches that feel fake

• The goal isn't to "build your network," it's to have conversations with people doing work you find interesting

• Lead with genuine curiosity, do research that actually matters (about the person, not just the company), make it easy to say yes with specific time bound asks

• Bring something to the table using your consulting skills (data, insights, connections, perspectives)

• Focus on three types of conversations: people doing the job you want, people who made your exact transition, and people in your extended network

• With 4 hours per week, you can build a strong network: 2 hours for research, then 2-3 hours for ongoing conversations and follow ups

• Ask specific unusual questions instead of generic interview style questions, share your thinking not your resume, and end every call with a clear next step

• The goal is 8-12 genuine relationships with people you actually enjoy talking to, not 500 LinkedIn connections you'll never speak to again